


war stories

by TheAceApples



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: GFY, Tag As I Go, snapchat au, snapchat format, the obirex is pre/implied right now jsyk, time-travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 03:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11682888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAceApples/pseuds/TheAceApples
Summary: A series of stories, sometimes ongoing and sometimes self-contained, caught on holocamera by ARC Trooper Fives throughout the war.





	1. "File:Umm" (Pt.1)

**Author's Note:**

> i posted a time-travel shenanigans fic idea on tumblr a while ago and mentioned that Fives probably has a massive collection of holos that he'd taken throughout the war. this fic is basically bits and pieces of that collection.

File:UmmPt.1

[Camera on selfie-mode shows Fives, Echo, Hardcase, Jesse, and Kix all crowded together, clearly trying not to laugh and failing miserably.]

Caption: @Battalion212 Send help, we’re D Y I NG!!

[Camera angle reverses to peer around a doorframe at Captain Rex, who stands in front of a mirror, pulling nervously at the long brown cloak he wears. The rest of his outfit is obscured, but his silhouette shows he isn’t wearing armor.]

Caption: wHY DOES HE HAVE A JEDI ROBE?? WHY IS HE WEARING IT???

-

File:UmmPt.2

[Captain Rex of the 501st, on the bridge of the Resolute, stands at parade rest next to the holo-projector. Generals Kenobi and Skywalker are deep in discussion in the foreground but the camera is clearly focused on the Captain, who wears the distinctive beige tunic, pants, and boots of a Jedi, as well as a long brown cloak. The hilt of a lightsaber hangs from a belt around his waist. He is visibly uncomfortable.

The wheezing and choking sounds of several brothers laughing so hard they can no longer breathe properly comes from behind the camera.]

Caption: HES GOINGG UNDERCOVRR AS A JETIII I CANT BRETHE

-

File:UmmPt.3

[A zoomed-in shot of General Anakin Skywalker leading Captain Rex of the 501st, dressed as a Jedi, through a lightsaber kata. Captain Rex’s blade is emerald in color.

Several men behind the camera are audibly snickering.]

Caption: I think the General is having a little too much fun with his new “Commander”

-

File:UmmPt.4

[Captain Rex, now alone, moves quickly and confidently through the kata General Skywalker had been demonstrating in the last video.

Camera pans slightly to the right and zooms in further to show General Kenobi watching from near the doorway on the opposite side of the training room, looking very red in the face as he watches Captain Rex.

Camera zooms out so that both men are in the shot, right as Captain Rex finishes the kata and leans down to grab a bottle of water and dump it over his own head. General Kenobi immediately about-faces and quickly leaves the room.]

Unknown brother, from behind the camera: “… What. The fuck.”

-

File:UmmTheConclusion

[Sitting in the armory, General Skywalker is seen quietly explaining to Captain Rex how to care for “his” lightsaber. General Kenobi sits slightly apart from them, occasionally chiming in.

General Kenobi’s face turns very red once again when General Skywalker starts demonstrating the proper way to polish the hilt and Captain Rex begins to vigorously copy him.]

Unknown brother, from behind the camera: [Inhales very sharply.]

[Camera switches to selfie-mode to reveal Fives. He stares into the camera for several seconds with a very wide grin and pointedly raised eyebrows.]

Caption: Brings a whole new meaning to “equipment maintenance” eh??


	2. The Adventures of Shiny!Wan and the 501st, Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written for time-travel tuesday on tumblr!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> admittedly this chapter doesn't really fit the same format as the first chapter. *shrug*

[Aboard the Resolute, a hangar bay is in a flurry of motion as several different squadrons of troopers scramble to load up onto various gunships and starfighters.]

Caption: Why do we always get stuck with the shit missions?

-

[Shown: surroundings too dark for anything but vague shapes to be made out.]

Unknown voice, singing under its breath, to no particular tune: “We’re gonna kriffing die, we’re gonna kriffing die, I don’t know how we’re gonna go but we’re gonna kriffing die. And it’s all Echo’s fa-a-ault…”

Second voice, hissing: “If you don’t  _shut the kriff up_  you really  _are_ about to die!”

-

[Twin flashlights click on, showing several troopers with blue trim making their way through a cramped hallway. The dank, crumbling walls imply the location is both abandoned and very, very old; the architecture is consistent with holos of pre-Ruusan Reformation Jedi temples.]

First voice, no longer singing: “Hey, Echo, just out of curiosity, why the fuck did you have to touch the  _one suspiciously_  clean wall decoration?”

Second voice: “Fives, I  _swear to god_ …!”

[The trooper leading the group spins around, helmet decal revealing them to be Captain Rex.]

Rex: “If you two don’t shut your karking mouths, I am going to—”

Fives and Echo, at the same time:  _“Yes, sir, understood, sir!”_

-

[A group of troopers wearing gold trim surround a stone dais in the middle crumbling, circular room with most of its ceiling missing. A small hexagonal gem resting on the dais pulsates deep green in the afternoon sunlight.

Off to the side, Generals Kenobi and Skywalker murmur to each other very seriously while casting anxious glances at the gem.]

Fives, yelling from behind the camera: “Hey, everybody, Echo got us all dumped into the dungeon! How did the battle that we were supposed to provide back-up for go?”

[The camera lurches forward and down, as if the carrier was shoved from behind. Fives lets out a startled yelp.]

-

[Video begins zoomed in on General Kenobi mid-sentence, gesturing widely with an arm.]

General Kenobi: “—ll never figure out  _why_  the Separatists are so interested in this artifact if we don’t take it back with us and study it!”

General Skywalker, exasperated and without a single shred of self-awareness: “I just  _don’t_  think that’s a good idea, Master! We have no idea what it does and I don’t like the feel of it in the Force. It could be  _dangerous_.”

Kenobi: “ _An_ akin—”

-

[Video begins zoomed in on General Skywalker, red-faced and all of two inches away from General Kenobi. Given the much tenser body language of the two and their changed positions, the argument has likely been going for at least a couple minutes since the last video.]

General Skywalker: “—nd  _just because_  nothing bad happened  _last time_  doesn’t mean you should just go around  _picking up random Force-objects_!”

General Kenobi, stroking his beard: “… Very well, Anakin, I see your point.”

Skywalker, throwing his hands up: “ _Thank_  you!”

[Camera zooms out. General Skywalker’s breathing begins to slow and he backs up several steps, evidently realizing how closely he’d been invading the other man’s space. He carefully brushes down the front of his tabards before turning to face Captain Rex.

The moment his back is turned, General Kenobi turns to the dais and strides purposefully towards it while Skywalker is distracted.]

Commander Cody, realizing General Kenobi’s intent:  _“Sir—”_

[General Kenobi quickly but carefully picks the gem up from the dais. The room is filled with a blinding white light and a rush of ear-splitting static is heard.]

-

[A bright blue sky with two suns is seen through the crumbling remains of the ceiling.]

Fives, groaning from behind the camera: “Oh my sweet karking gods, what the hells was  _that_?”

[Camera shudders and tilts as its holder gets to their feet. Reoriented, the mixed group of troopers is scrambling to regain their own feet, check in with each other, and examine the surroundings for danger.

Commander Cody is a singular beacon of stillness amongst the chaos, standing next to the dais and looking down at the prone figure wearing Jedi tunics.]

Commander Cody, voice strong and level, but with an odd note of strain: “General Skywalker, you may want to see this!”

Fives, emphatically: “Well,  _kriff me_.”

-

[The holder of the camera quickly makes its way across the room over to Commander Cody and General Skywalker—both staring at the unconscious figure on the ground—apologizing to several other troopers as he pushes past them until he reaches his destination.]

Fives, even more emphatically:  _“Well, **kriff me**.”_

[Camera zooms in on the unconscious face of General Kenobi, who is now clean-shaven and sporting a different set of tunics from before as well as a Padawan braid. He looks to be at least a decade and a half younger than before.]


End file.
